Déjà cringe: the cringe you have when thinking about something stupid you have done. You most likely winced after it happen, but you just can't let it go. You will be going along your day and then you think about that bonehead thing you did last week and you cringe all over again. How could I be soo stupid!
Like any self-respecting writer, I have a healthy balance of narcissism and self-deprecation. I believe that my written word is exciting enough that other people will find it captivating and then I worry about what people will think of it. This carries through to my actions, though thankfully not all. I over-analyze my deeds and once I have deemed a particular move deficient, I over inflate the importance of it. The witness(es) of my alleged transgression will probably not remember it or think it was as humiliating as I do.
For my propensity to déjà cringe, I blame my sisters. My two sharp hermanas have never forget a stupid thing I have ever done. They even remember idiotic instances that I have managed to force from my memory. The most notorious of which was during high school and I had a ridiculous crush on a cashier at Safeway (yes, straight up Junior High style, I was a late bloomer). I would wait for his line to be free (even if it was longer) just so I could talk to him. (I have since seen him and let's just say, what was I thinking.) One day we were chatting and I was being my regular nervous (and hopelessly uncharming) self. My groceries were just about all rung up, signifying the end of our conversation, and I said "OK see when I buy my turkey at Thanksgiving." I am probably not capturing the essence of that awkward moment, but it was priceless. My sister and our friend burst into a laughing fit on the spot in the grocery aisle, they couldn't even make it outside the automatic glass doors. I déjà cringed for months after that.
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