Bag Watcher

Bag Watcher: someone who is basically useless. It’s the idea that they have nothing better to do with their time than watch your stuff (or that you think that they don’t have anything better to do and they don’t have enough gumption to tell you no). You have all done it: you have ran off to do something and said to a friend or colleague, “oh, can you watch my bag?” And before they can respond you are off having fun or doing something perceivably more important.

At a recent work event, my co-workers and I were all busy running around doing tasks, greeting people, setting things up—basically being functional human beings. One of my office mates seriously was standing around with a dumb-founded look on their face, doing absolutely nothing while we were being industries worker bees. Somehow it got decided that this person would stay at the registration desk (after everyone was checked in) with the sole purpose of watching peoples’ bags while everyone else participated in the event. My co-worker’s only purpose at our exclusive event was to watch bags, because our purses might run away from their secure hiding place—that is a bullshit job if I have ever heard of one. This menial task just highlights her tremendous utility to the company and the best part is, she gladly accepted the job and did not offer to help out in another capacity. She took pride in her task and fretted about when the bags where left alone.

To all the bag watchers out there (you probably don’t know who you are), I salute you in your ignorance, may your time spent watching bags be blissful.