Fired

Fired: is something you say to a friend or acquaintance when they disappoint you or when they do something stupid. It is not to be confused with their current employment situation, so use it with caution in the workplace. It is kind of like being friend fired a metaphorical way of temporarily being voted off the island or TV show a la Donald Trump.

This new meaning for the term originated in casual conversation with a possible male suitor, yes I said suitor, who asked me what my origins were. I responded with my usual from Jordan response and he responds So you must eat a lot of bagels. If by bagels you mean hummus and pita bread or to imply that since I am "Jewish" I eat a lot of bagels. I was like well, not really. Is this your way of asking if I am Jewish, because I am not. His response, I know a lot of Jews from Jordan, it's one of the most Jewish countries. To save myself (and him) from an embarrassing political discourse (that would not be facilitated by the multiple vodka sodas I had just consumed), all I could respond is You're fired. (Don't you even glance at the news headlines, seriously!)

And yes, I do like bagels and Jews for that matter, but what does that have to do with Jordan?

Unazi

Unazi: is someone who takes playing the game of Uno too seriously. They enforce every rule and even stop the game when they think that one code of the game is violated. Each transgression angers them more and more until they finally have to stop playing.

This term came from a particularly heated game of Uno during which my sister called out every rule in the book, and was from hence forth was dubbed Unazi (much to her dismay).

The term Unazi can be applied to aggressive players of any game. You know who they are, the rule book totting, game-stopping, obnoxious type who take game night to a whole new level, a level of anti-fun. The phrase it's just a game, was invented for them.

The Taxi Murmerer

The Taxi Murmerer: you know who you are, the perpetually talking cab drivers talking irreverently on their bluetooth headsets the entire ride. Is that really safe?

The scene: you get into a cab, your greet the cab driver and tell him (or rarely her) where you would like to be taken. He (or she) doesn't not respond but you think they responded because they are talking. But to who you ask yourself, to the hidden person on the other end of their bluetooth. In many circumstances these invasive conversation (resulting in the disregard of the passenger) occur in a language you don't understand causing a weird situation for the cab driver and the passenger. I try to talk to him and tell him that he is taking me the wrong way, but he does not listen...he is busy try to work out the details of the arranged marriage for his daughter. Seriously! Now I am at the wrong destination, you took the slowest streets to get me there and all I want to do, Taxi Murmerer, is get out of your cab.

After ignoring me the whole time do you really expect me to tip you.

Rein Release Phobia

Rein Release Phobia: This is particular disease afflicts the most consummate micro managers. They will seriously just not let go. They give you assignment (you are filled with glee and a false sense of autonomy), which is followed by an inordinate influx of mini meetings and follow up emails regarding this assignment. You have so many interactions regarding this (and every assignment) that you don't even have time to get the job done.

While working with this person, all you really feel like you have accomplished throughout the day is over communication, which is underlined by the passive aggressive behavior (emails versus face-to-face contact) and condescension that is overshadowed by excessive worrying over every project, don't you think you have enough wrinkles!

To this you need to say, seriously, release the reins, I got this. I wasn't born yesterday and after all you hired me, I am a professional.

My advice if you encounter such an abhorrent specimen of professional is to you set the tone for independence early and be direct if not, you will be caught in the reins.

Fröm

Fröm: is a mom that is your friend as well. She is not always a fröm but when you talk about certain things (and you don't want her to judge), you say ok I am going to tell you this as a fröm and not a mom. Moms can transition in and out of this status depending on the situation, like when you get pedis together she is your fröm and when she scolds you about leaving the window open in your aparment and asks you is this safe, then she is your mom, obviously!

Frenaissance

Frenaissance: is a rekindling or rebirth of friendship after a long absence, or one that appears to be so. This could be a conversation, an outing or even a weekend extravaganza, the choice is yours!

I owe this word to my sister, Tamara, who uses it often and since then it has frequently been used in my vocab.

SMS

SMS: Short Man Syndrome. Commonly known as Napoleon complex this sociocultural phenomenon occurs generally in adults males who are small in stature and who have a propensity towards anger. Just think of the little yappy dogs who bark all day because they want to be heard; males who exhibit SMS tend to talk louder, try harder in sports, talk more shit (and won't admit defeat) and can be overall just plain abnoxious.

Next time you encounter such a person just think of the small yap dog and say, down boy!

Hovercraft

Hovercraft: is a person (or group of persons) who linger or hover around your desk or in your personal space long after your conversation has ended. In some cases no conversation took place at all and you are not really sure why they are there, but yet they linger. This unwanted hovering causes social awkwardness and prompts the hoveree act abruptly to throw the hoverer off of their hover rotation.

Frawesome

Frawesome: Stands for fucking-rad-awesome is used in cases where awesome just doesn't cut it. Can be used to indicate total awesomeness like that happy hour was frawesome. It can also be used to denote sarcasm when something was just that bad like The way my boss threw me under the boss was frawesome.

Saber Tooth

Saber Tooth: This is the word used for a woman that is, well, past her prime. She is too old to be a cougar and in reality she is a grandma, but just doesn't want to admit it. I have seen many of these specimens (enhanced by surgical advances) in their designer wear at bars in San Francisco. And like the long-toothed cats of our past, these felines are extinct in the social scene.

The Inagural Post

A wise friend of mine once said that I always had my own way of saying things, she said that I needed a Talia dictionary. Its funny that I ended up becoming a writer and now I get paid for my "unique voice" as they say in the biz.

Well Jessica this blog is for you, I have decided to create a loose dictionary with all the words and phraseology that makes me, me.