Claim de Shame

Claim de Shame: something that a person or place brags about or is known for that is scandalous or elicit. This person or place publicizes information about themselves that would make any lady blush. This entity then becomes known for this saucy piece of information and it turns into their claim de shame. You know that girl in school that is popular because she possesses “special” talents or the guy at your work who always has the hook-up. Practically every reality TV star has a claim de shame for their various erotic and indecent behaviors that make them so entertaining to the masses—can we say “Jersey Shore.”

This phrase came to me while I was on a recent hotel tour. The hotel sales person that was showing us around told my colleague and I that her hotel used to be Hugh Hefner’s Playboy Club. She explained the layout of this swinging club and pointed out Hef’s piano, but left out specific historic (and scandalous) details. Later that day, I was on another hotel tour and our tour guide was telling us how the historic hotel used to have a male entertainment center below. The underbelly of the hotel housed a brothel, which has since been converted into the spa. The rooms now offer a modern spin on relaxation. We even went through the secret passageway where guests seeking to unwind could access the brothel without even leaving the building—crazy!

Verbal Possession

Verbal Possession: when your mouth gets taken over by something ungodly. You don't know what has come over you. You are in a conversation and you say something that you don't even think. After it comes out of your mouth, you don't really know why you said it; it was an out-of-mouth experience. You don't even recall having that thought, it was like your mouth was possessed by another being causing you to spew out random thoughts.

You try to recant what you have just said or talk yourself around it. If not, you have to back up your statement or move on after a healthy awkward silence. Verbal possession seems to happen in nervous or new situations, especially on dates or when meeting new people when the social lubricant is absent (or just hasn't kicked in yet). You are trying to carry out a conversation and then all of a sudden you start telling a stupid, babbling story, that is not really even a story, doesn't really have a point or didn't even happen.

I have been known to make strong statements that I don't even really think. At a recent work event, a few writers and I were having a conversation about singers. The convo shifted to the subject of Beyonce and I blurt out, "I hate Beyonce." Just like that. As soon as I said it, I thought, I don't hate Beyonce. It was such an abrupt, blunt statement that everyone stopped talking. I, of course, tried to recover and said "I actually do like her music and I listen to it all the time." I don't, in fact, listen all the time, just when it comes on Pandora or at a bar or something. In any case that statement totally contradicted the previous one—just keep digging that hole. So now, instead of carrying on an intelligent conversation with new contacts, the only thing I have done was establish that I am a bitter, pop-music addict who hates the performers that she listens to. I seriously don't know what came over me, I don't feel strongly about the pop diva either way. These people must think I am pretty weird and later that night I totally had a déjà cringe over it.

O-mance

O-mance: an office romance. It's that flirtation that you know you shouldn't have with the coworker as he or she passes by your desk. The frequent, casual (yet sexually charged) banter one night turns into something more after a tipsy company happy hour. It starts out as such a good idea, it's so forbidden and sexy all at the same time—the flame is lit and you can't seem to put out the fire. Then they do something at work to piss you off. Your o-mance is talking with someone else, and you ask yourself, are they leaning just a little to close?

When you let it get to your head, it's all downhill from there. Should the o-mance go south, you have to see them everyday at work. You have try to pull yourself together and act normal at the office like the o-mance never occurred. Although, some o-mancers can make it work. The synergy and the common interest at the workplace creates a fertile breeding ground for an o-mance to blossom, and for some I know, it grew into a marriage.

But for me, the thought of such a tawdry affair going on at a work place, makes me think of the Lady Gaga Song, "Bad Romance." Upon hearing of a friend's new o-mance, the song started playing in my head and I immediately began conjuring up a parody song (it's a work in progress):

Oooo Ooooo Ooooo
Caught in a Bad O-mance
Oooo Ooooo Ooooo
Caught in a Bad O-mance

Ooo Ooo Noo Noo
No more office PDA please
HR will find out, so just leave your keys

Caught in a bad o-mance

I want your lunch break
I want your afternoon tea
I want all your breaks at the copy machine please

I want your love
So change your Outlook Calendar to busy please

Caught in a bad o-mance

Button your shirt and the boss won't suspect
Act cool or this job you will wreck
You will not get your pay advance

ooohoooooo oooooo
Me and you can write a bad o-mance

Frex

Frex: a good friend or best friend that you are no longer friends with. Some kind of disagreement or falling out have caused you to drift apart or abruptly discontinue your relationship. Now all you have left is the ashes of your scorched of union. You think about the time that you spent together, the times you laughed and all of those intimate details of your day-to-day life that you shared (and that you now wish you hadn't).

Much like the fallout of a divorce or a bad break-up, a frex can wreak havoc on your life to varying degrees depending on the terms of dissolution of your bond. Did your frex dump you, did you dump them, did they steal your boyfriend, hook-up with your brother or did you just have nothing in common anymore?

Seeing your frex in the grocery store makes you panic and quickly dunk behind the nearest vegetable display at Safeway to avoid an awkward social encounter (effectively making you look like a crazy person when you rise from your hiding place to exclaim, "Oh, there's the piece of lint I've been looking for.") When a song comes on the radio that you both joked about, you start to laugh and think of your frex—but, with a heavy heart, you realize that they are the only person in the world that would think this song was funny and you aren't speaking anymore. Most of your friends have chosen sides in the "divorce" (as the two of you can't stand being around each other) or have decided to remain friends with you both discretely. Some of them wouldn't be "caught dead talking to that dumb ho anyways," and to the others, you are now that "dumb ho."

Not everyone of your ex-friends is now a frex. Just because you lost touch, it does not mean that you had a break-up like trauma at the quiet end to your relations. A frex is someone that has left a lasting impression on your life and that may cause you to recoil in disdain at the mere sound of their name or inspire you to change their name to something a bit more comical.