Shamployee

Shamployee: an employee who pretends to work while not actually being productive. This worker comes in early and stays late, but never manages to get anything done. This person is constantly organizing, printing, photocopying, rexamining old projects or whatever it takes to keep them looking busy. He or she can be seen wondering around the office with an air of purpose, but never actually goes anywhere. A shamployee may approach a collegue as if to ask a question or give them something when in fact the shamployee forgets what he or she was going to say to the collegue and ends up hanging around and trying to strike up a conversation. This feigned hard worker also makes multiple trips to the kitchen to make tea or coffee which often remains on the kitchen counter unconsumed as a physical reminder of time wasted.

Surprisingly the charade of productivity does not stop there. Shamployees like to drag other people into their self-induced game of play progress. This character often initiates meetings about issues that do not need to be discussed just so that he or she may be productive by talking about getting work done. So many meetings in fact that you end up meeting more than you work. Work does not happen until much later, in fact at the last possible second—effectively screwing over all of their fellow workers.

This vile form of an employee also complains so much about the burden of his or her work that other people (who just want to get the job done) end up picking up the slack left by time spent wandering the office or pouring over meaningless, old files.

The most frustrating thing of all is that sometimes managers fail to see through the masquerade of the shamployee. They are fooled by the appealing mask of productivity and fail to see the truth behind their choreographed dance of time wasting—this person is just lazy. These employees will sometimes be rewarded for the "extra effort," which basically means they are there all the time and translates into, hi I don't have a life.